I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize