you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize