i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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