Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
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I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
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They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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