Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize