You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
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Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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