i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
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I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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