Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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