I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize