high people should be assigned attendants
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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