Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
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I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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