i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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