Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's shark week go big or go home
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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