I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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