I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize