I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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