can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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