When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize