just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just blew my weed a kiss
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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