So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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