i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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