If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
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