I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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