Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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