Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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