Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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