so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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