At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
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i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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