Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
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They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
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Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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