True but thats because hes a fetus.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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