I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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