I wish I could punch you in the face.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
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Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
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do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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