i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize