Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We are all done wearing pants today
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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