Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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