Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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