Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize