I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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