We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
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at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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