if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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