I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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