So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
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im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
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She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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