I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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