census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize