Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
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Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
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I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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