I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize