We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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