Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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