I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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