Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
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I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
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you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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